28 May Dying for Sex
‘Dying for Sex’ is a stunning podcast on Wondery. (The first four episodes are available to listen, but sign in to a free trial to hear the last three). It is raw, honest and funny. Molly Kochan and Nikki Boyer are best friends, and invite us into their revealing conversations.
Molly has Stage IV breast cancer, has just left her husband and is on a mission to find out what she likes sexually. On the way, she begins to reclaim her sensuality after a history of abusive relationships. It sounds like a drama, but it is just two friends chatting about life.
Molly’s sexploits are fun, but the intimacy of her relationship with Nikki sucks the listener into a more real, deep and meaningful conversation about sex, death, love and friendship. It made me laugh, and cry, as we hear Molly, and picture her through the lens of Nikki’s loving encouragement.
‘Screw Cancer; Becoming Whole’ is a short book by Molly Kochan. Finished in hospital, Molly is writing the completion of her journey to heal and grow around her childhood trauma. The urgency with which she is writing gives another window into her story, but it lacks the warmth and humour that Nikki brings into the dynamic between them in the podcast.
The ‘Dying for Sex’ TV series takes the bones of the podcast, and some of the themes in the book to create a drama inspired by real events. It takes Molly’s experience of relationships after a Cancer diagnosis and develops them into a credible script. Playing with the details that are shared in the book and podcast, the series takes the central premise and creates a hugely entertaining drama. It is both funny and moving as it challenges the viewer’s perception of how someone with Stage IV cancer should behave.
I love the way love and loss entwine in the narrative. Molly’s story is both tender and real, portraying sexual intimacy. The themes of both sex and death are explored with a refreshing openness, and humour.
Laughter in distressing circumstances is often a much-needed valve when someone is grieving. How to have fun and experience pleasure is also an important ingredient in end-of-life care, that may be unexpressed by someone with a life-limiting condition, or overlooked by care-givers. Take heed, it is never too late to try something new, or ask for what you desire.
For Grief Tending workshops that honour both love and loss as interconnected, see here.
Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome. For more information about Grief Tending events see here.
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