31 Oct How to Remember the Dead
In the northern hemisphere we put our clocks back one hour and turn towards the darkening of winter. The old festival of Samhain – a time to remember the dead, is now marked with acrylic spiders and festoons of tape marked, “Caution, zombies”. I can’t help thinking of ‘Shaun of the Dead’, which for me is a brilliant metaphor for the disconnection or zombification often necessary to tolerate the drudgery of meaningless work in dysfunctional modernity.
Scratch below the surface of the ghoulish costume of Halloween to find the old way of remembering how to honour the dead. Our deep-time nomadic ancestors would have known of the good pasture created where someone was buried along the path. This connection between composting in the dark months to bring new growth in the spring is often misplaced by the temptation to be only with the light.
It can be a helpful way to tend our personal losses by deliberately making a small gesture or ritual to honour those who came before us, in the growing darkness of the season. Pour a drink and put it by a photograph, or set a place at the table for a special meal to acknowledge someone who is no longer with us in person. Decorating a special place or altar can be another way to honour ancestors, perhaps offering oats, incense or flowers. This may include photos of pets, family and friends who have died as well as personal symbols or icons.
And in these times of war, oppression and unrest around the globe, it may feel helpful to light a candle or pour water for all those who have died. It can easily feel overwhelming to hear news from places where violence is ongoing. A small ritual act – like lighting a candle, reading a poem, offering a prayer may help us to face ‘the Sorrows of the World’ if only for a short time.
And if moving towards the festive season brings ominous dates, anniversaries, anxiety or too much time alone, we offer Grief Tending workshops to soothe our souls in community and find connection.
Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome. For more information about Grief Tending events see here.
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