11 Sep The Wheel of Consent
During my 30’s I experienced burnout. I became chronically ill, exhausted and overwhelmed. It took eight years to recover. I had some excellent guides on the way, and was lucky enough to make my way through to the other side. It was my own bespoke journey into the underworld, where I was required to transform my patterns of over-giving, dis-connection between my body and mind, and finding ways to express being more myself.
Some really key skills that I needed to learn were to connect up my body with feelings, learn how to set healthy limits, and find out what was pleasurable for me. Betty Martin’s ‘Wheel of Consent’ is a brilliant tool to figure these things out in a practical way.
Learning how to make boundaries is an essential component of communication and relating. We may need more love in our lives, but learning how we meet each other’s edges is key to risking vulnerability, touch and expressing our needs. I often hear the mantra of ‘more love’ spoken in alternative circles, but I long to hear this coupled with, ‘and healthy boundaries’. (You can learn more about how these two archetypes balance each other in the theory and practice of Healthy Human Culture).
‘The Wheel of Consent’ is also helpful in my role as a group facilitator. I use it with the intention of giving options and permission, so that participants are able to find their agency within the group by staying in contact with their needs.
In a workshop or course exploring ‘The Wheel of Consent’, the process is slowed right down. This helps to break down the nuts and bolts of what happens inside ourselves and with others in interactions where requests and desires may be made implicitly or explicitly. I’ve found it really helpful to understand what we might want, places where we haven’t recognised our needs, and who requests and gifts are for.
I was lucky enough to be the practice body in this online course which you can watch for free here. Rose Jiggens and Rupert Alison teach how to use the Wheel of Consent in a ‘3 Minute Game’. It’s a great place to start if you want to learn more. For a deeper dive into the theory, you can read ‘The Art of Receiving and Giving’, by Betty Martin.
Grief Tending is also a great way to learn how to connect with and express feelings. Find out more here.
Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome. For more information about Grief Tending events see here.
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