03 Sep It’s OK That You’re Not OK
Megan Devine’s excellent book ‘It’s OK Not to be OK‘, tells how it is to grieve in a culture that avoids talking about death. She speaks plainly about the experience of sudden traumatic loss, and what may be behind the facade we show in public.
“No matter what anyone says, this sucks. What happened cannot be made right.”
‘It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok’ is also a primer for those who want to know how to navigate grief, and how to be with someone who is grieving. Megan Devine’s voice is refreshing. She speaks out in praise of “telling the truth about grief.” She makes clear the “wider cultural sweep of grief illiteracy”, and what we need to face, both personally, and more widely to bring about change.
In addition to the impacts that cause grief, other people’s mis-perceptions, and anxiety add insult to injury. This book invites us to look more closely at what’s behind the acceptable face of bereavement.
“Because we don’t talk about the reality of loss, many grieving people think that what’s happening to them is strange, weird, or wrong.” In addition to the grief stories Megan Devine listens to as a therapist, she also hears, “how painful it is to be judged, dismissed and misunderstood.”
The consequences of a pain-phobic culture results in widespread avoidance from facing global issues as well as personal situations, to our detriment. The argument that Megan Devine presents as our collective disconnect is essential to address for the wider good.
I would argue that Grief Tending in community is one of many much-needed antidotes. However, if being in a group process feels unmanageable at the moment, ‘It’s OK That You’re Not OK’ is a book that offers some practical ways to survive. She encourages us to look for support, and explore creative expression to tend to grief, rather than look for solutions to fix it.
One of the questions that people often ask is, “What should you say to someone who’s grieving?” The final section of the book presents a verbal took kit to answer that question. Whether you want to understand more about our systemic discomfort with grief, are dealing with loss and need a role-model, or want to learn the skills to be a better companion to those who grieve, this is a brilliant read.
Find Grief Tending events in London and online here, where we work with our own feelings in response to loss, change and absence, together in a group.
Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome. For more information about Grief Tending events see here.
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