19 Oct A Good Funeral
One of my favourite films is ‘Harold and Maude’. The drama unfolds as two people fascinated with death make an unusual connection. The film, made in 1971 plays with the edge between funny and sad to explore themes that still feel edgy in 2021.
Like Harold and Maude, I enjoy a good funeral. For me, the design and execution of the event is satisfying when it is congruent with the deceased. Does it reflect the person who has died? Did I learn more about them? Did it give space for feelings? Was I able to participate in my own way?
As a child of a vicar, I saw inside the vestry and underneath the vicar’s cassock. Church, crematorium and theatre all function with back-stage and public spaces. I always want to pull back the curtain, to look behind the door marked ‘private’.
For the time of the ceremony there is a tableaux that may include coffin, flowers, music, mourners arranged in order of relationship. After the allotted time to mark the ending of a life, the scene dissolves, leaving empty vases and rows of chairs.
At the crematorium, there are curtains – which may or may not close, and a dais which may sink down or roll to disappear the coffin out of sight to complete the illusion.
The stage manager is the funeral director. The celebrant is supporting actor to the reluctant stars – the next of kin. We too, the audience are part of this immersive show; whether we shed tears, crumple tissues, or bow our heads.
The undertakes are the stage hands whose role is to attend the body and smooth us through the ceremony with practiced hands. This role is usually a traditional display of black, often with topper and tails. They move with respectful slow motion as they ease us along. With silent stealth they manage handles – hearse doors, coffin, chapel, and trip hazards – stone, marble or carpeted steps. Flowers appear and disappear, in this case into the boot of one of Poppy’s hearses, to arrive where they are needed next.
There are choices to make. Many more than you might imagine in creating the final spectacle to best reflect a loved one. Most of these are optional. There are almost no rules in law about this occasion, excepting disposal of a body. I recommend ‘The Dead Good Funeral Guide’ to help plan a funeral. The Natural Death Centre is another resource for finding independent undertakers who are willing to work with you to create the funeral you want.e tells you all you need to know about creating a bespoke memorial event. Beyond Life is a good resource for finding your way through the maze when trying to work out what to do after someone has died.
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