Sustainabilty/Resilience Tag

28 Aug In the Absence of the Ordinary

Posted at 20:31h in Book Reviews by admin 0 Comments

‘In the Absence of the Ordinary: Soul Work for Times of Uncertainty’ is a collection of essays by Francis Weller. Each essay takes a different theme, to wind a path forward through ‘the Long Dark’, as he calls these times. His words taste like dark chocolate – a bitter sweet medicine for the times of uncertainty which we are living in.

In acknowledging the disturbing nature of life amongst wars, genocide, changing weather patterns, and loss of species to name a few, Francis Weller encourages us to turn towards grief and fear with self-compassion. “Ritual, prayer, meditation and creativity are ways to foster an intimacy with the world of soul and soul of the world.”

Understanding the disturbance to the psyche of collective trauma and the prevalence of personal traumas, he reframes these experiences as ‘rough initiations.’ Through finding ways to hold trauma in community and with ritual, and opening to the sacred brings transformation that is not just personal, but for our collective wellbeing.

In his book ‘In the Absence of the Ordinary’, Frances Weller encourages us to reconnect with our indigenous soul – to do our inner work for the benefit and with the support of our village. Tending our hearts is necessary work for our communities, and we need a village to hold us to do this work.

“The weight of grief and suffering that we are facing is more than we can hold in isolation.”

He reminds me of the profound change that comes with appreciation of beauty. To find our way back to what is sacred through bringing presence to a reciprocal engagement with nature. My relationship with particular crows is both meaningful and subversive. Francis Weller inspires me to feel that my small acts of connection with nature in a world that is fuelled by consumption, privatisation and individualism are worthwhile.

I continue to trust my deep instincts that feel the desecration of my environment and offer ways for people to come together to grieve. In a world where burnout is prevalent, he urges us to rest.

“To stop, rest, and disengage from the mania of productivity, achievement, and speed”.

The temptation “to forget and go numb” is huge, but Francis Weller’s words inspire with ways to stay awake, to shed, to grow and to approach our own regeneration so that we might become imperfect, kind elders. Calling us eloquently into relationship with all life, Francis Weller invites us to offer thanks, to slow down for our survival. His message is ultimately hopeful.

For more about Francis Weller’s ‘Wild Edge of Sorrow’ see my article ‘Francis Weller’s Gates of Grief and Me’, and in ‘Best Grief Books’ article.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome. For more information about Grief Tending see the Embracing Grief website.

03 Jul Self-Compassion

Posted at 08:09h in Book Reviews by admin 0 Comments

Kristin Neff’s ‘Self-Compassion – the proven power of being kind to yourself’ is a guide to how and why developing self-compassion is an invaluable tool for resilience. Neff offers practical steps to becoming more self-compassionate, and unpicks the pre-requisite ingredients.

As a result of the internalised expectations from unsupportive care-givers, competitive education, driven work environments and abusive systems and systemic cultural norms and social media, a judgemental inner voice is often running inside us.

In working with people who are coping with the challenges of grief, I often discover how much they are giving themselves a hard time, which exacerbates the emotional turmoil they are already facing. People often believe they are wrong in some way. They imagine they are grieving to hard, too long, not enough, or not in the right way. Teaching simple tools for self-compassion is an essential part of the Grief Tending approach we use. Kristin Neff explains the research that supports the benefits of self-compassion.

Neff defines self-compassion as requiring self-kindness, recognising our common humanity and mindfulness. Ending a habitual tendency for self-criticism requires regular self-nurture and care. She explains ways to do this like a self-hug which releases oxytocin in a similar way to a hug from another. Our nervous system usually responds positively to caring touch, which soothes. Learning to recognise our needs is the beginning of the way to shift from inner judgement to care.

Through Grief Tending, people often uncover a sense of shared humanity. It is powerful to experience that we are not alone with our suffering. The “suffering with” others of compassion is another piece in allowing ourselves more self-kindness. Neff’s research-based work looks at self-compassion as a personal strategy. She focuses less on the context in which we suffer, our external circumstances, which may be integral to our agency to practice self-compassion.

A mindful noticing of our emotional states is necessary to recognise them and offer ourselves kindness. People often understand the grief of bereavement, but may fail to register how many other sources of suffering they are carrying. Developing our self-compassion also builds our capacity to hold others,

“Our research shows that self-compassion allows us to feel others’ pain without being overwhelmed by it. It other words, when we recognize how difficult it is sometimes to be there for people who are struggling, and comfort ourselves in the process, we are able to be stronger, more stable, and resilient when supporting others in their suffering.”

“It’s not as scary to confront emotional pain when you know that you will be supported throughout the process.” Self-compassion is a way to manage our pain, by acknowledging hurt, and offering simple caring touch. Reading ‘Self-Compassion’ is a first step. Building habits around self-kindness is what may make the difference when we are coping with loss and emotional hurt.

For Grief Tending workshops in London and online see here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome. For more information about Grief Tending events see here.

07 May A New Kind of Wilderness

Posted at 13:27h in Culture Reviews by admin 0 Comments

‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ is a tender and moving documentary. It follows a family dealing with change in the wake of loss. Nik and Maria are re-wilding their family, and have chosen a self-sufficient life-style in Norway and home-schooling for the three youngest children. But when Maria dies, Nik is left dealing with the fallout of grief. We witness each member of the family struggle with Maria’s absence.

Director Silje Evensmo Jacobsen took inspiration from the images of Maria Vatne, whose death happens before ‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ begins; and yet Maria’s words create the context for the drama that unfolds.

There are interconnected consequences of Maria’s death – many ‘secondary losses’ that impact the family. We see Nik struggling with complex decisions, and the loss of a shared future dream. They hoped to raise the children wild and free, to understand the life cycle of plants and animals, and our relationship with them.

The narrative is seeped in the beauty of a life lived in close connection with nature. It also portrays the paradoxes of modernity. We watch Nik grapple with how to earn a living, educate children and grow food solo.

Squeezed by financial necessities and an external pressure from others to ‘move on’ from grief, the siblings and father each have their own issues. The camera catches the many faces of their emotions, through body language and touching exchanges. It made me cry at unexpected moments.

We are offered glimpses into the private world of the family at a vulnerable time where cameras would not usually be invited. Time passes, and through small rituals, we watch them grow through grief. Moments tinged with happy/sad draw the viewer into the intimacy of their family life. Their story touched me, as we watch them begin to ‘build a future’.

‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ is a beautiful story about the upheaval that death may bring, and of resources and challenges arising in response. It reminds me that we can adapt and that through navigating change, we grow more resilient.

For an article about the themes of love, loss and belonging in the film, see here.

If the themes in this film affect you, you can find Grief Tending workshops in London and online here.

02 Apr Earth Grief

Posted at 11:16h in Book Reviews by admin 0 Comments

Reading ‘Earth Grief’ by Stephen Harrod Buhner was for me an experience of being in the feelings evoked by the territory of ecological loss. It begins with a dive into being earth. He uses the language of connection, rather than evoking the separation so common of science.

As the pages turned, I was engaged, disturbed, then relieved, concluding with a deep sense of peace. Stephen Harrod Buhner’s invitation is to step into the painful reality of receiving a collective terminal diagnosis. He describes:

“…the grief, pain, depression, and hopelessness we feel are not the problem (despite the soul-shattering impact of those feelings). They are symptoms of the problem. And it is the problem itself that we must face if we wish to address the crisis of our times…a crisis that exists out there in the wildness of the world as well [as] in here in the secret chambers of our own hearts.”

Like Vanessa Andreotti’s ‘Hospicing Modernity’, really opening to hearing the words in ‘Earth Grief’ takes courage. Yet the wisdom and truth-telling I found here also felt settling. I chose not to read the middle section at night. Instead, I titrated my way through felt but not often absorbed information. It is distressing and affecting to read of the irreversible impacts of micro-plastics, of pharmaceuticals, of extractive and exploitative industries. My strategy was to read the book in manageable doses with lots of resourcing.

Through the analogy of the personal loss of a beloved, Stephen Harrod Buhner guides us through a similar process with grief for the earth. He describes the dismantling of our inner world in the face of loss, and the slow process of transformation.

In ‘Earth Grief’, Buhner challenges the layers of denial that I cling to in the face of what is happening in ourselves, in our climate and in our planet. As with the work of ‘Deep Adaptation’, there is potential for joy, wisdom, purpose on the other side of feeling earth grief.

Humans are returned by Stephen Harrod Buhner to their rightful place as reciprocal beings with plants – whose extraordinary journeys over millennia breathe life into our world as we flounder. This is a reminder of interbeing in a more-than-human world, that humans too are of the earth, not above nature. For me this is a reminder of David Abram‘s writing.

If Earth Grief is the diagnosis, a shift in perspective to find collaborative connections with other plants and beings is necessary. Grief practices that tend without fixing are the medicine. When we allow grief to take our world apart, to grow and re-configure us, we become able to hold others, and find what is uniquely ours to do.

Grief Tending spaces welcome grief on all themes, including earth grief. We offer events online and in London and Devon.

29 Jan How to Stay Sane in These Times

Posted at 13:46h in Sarah's Journal by admin 0 Comments

Keep your hair on! How do we stay sane when everything around us seems out of order? How do we stay calm enough to remain engaged in the world, despite the events around us that are deserving of outrage? There is a paradox for me here. I want to feel ‘the sorrows of the world’ (as Francis Weller puts it). My intention is to be someone who is compassionate, able to hear about the difficult and desperate. I also want to be someone who is able to continue to work for restoration with goodwill, in the face of all that I find distressing.

We will be unable to engage with actions that promote social justice and create positive communities, if we are so overwhelmed by what we find disturbing, and fear for the future,

One way to manage this situation is to titrate the way we receive current affairs. Being compulsively absorbed in social media feeds, or information that activates us may be counter-productive. Maintaining a frequent state of arousal, we may more easily reach emotional boiling point. I limit how much news I hear, avoid listening late at night, and take my news in small doses.

By frequently returning to balance, it can help us to manage our emotional and hormonal states of high arousal. Using tools that help us to decelerate, and return to a state of rest and digest improve resilience. What helps us to feel connected to the here and now in restorative ways? For some, breathing and mindfulness are helpful. For others, physical movement – dancing or swimming work better. Using practices that help us move into calmer states of mind, and improving the flexibility of our nervous system, to move between action and rest is helpful. A digital detox can offer a much-needed break from time to time.

We don’t need to put a lid on our feelings. Having spaces where we can express ourselves, be with our rage, and find like-minded others are important. Sometimes we need to find a place where we can scream – into the earth, sound-proofed in a car, or into a cushion.

Modernity may entangle us in the injustices, and causes of harm around us. I manage the complex feelings, which may include anger, guilt and despair by doing only what I have capacity for. What are you able and willing to do? Volunteer for something you believe in or donate funds to a campaign that aligns with your values, write letters to your MP, or commit to understanding more about a particular cause? Use these meaningful strategies; balanced by activities that are nourishing, resourcing and with time for radical rest.

Grief Tending is one way to connect with others and express the feelings that might otherwise have nowhere to go, or deaden us with lethargy. If grief is not tended, it may become grievance. Martin Prechtel says:

“…when the sorrows of our losses go ungrieved, we are guaranteed another war, or violence breaks out in the streets. Choosing not to have grief when grief is there is to burden someone else with having to do your grieving. The unwillingness to grieve makes people search for someone upon which to project blame for the feeling of the loss they bear, which turns all losses into a war of revenge.”

How many of the sources of grief around us have their roots in untended wounds of the past? Grieving is not only an act of self-care, it is an act that feeds community. It benefits not just ourselves, but those who come after us. The big things affect many when there are collective sources of grief. A collective space can really help us to see that we are not alone with this huge issue. It is powerful to recognise that others are also impacted, troubled, or overwhelmed. I cannot grieve the polycrisis we face alone. I need community beside me, and through sharing with others, we also build networks of solidarity.

For Grief Tending events coming up online and in person, see here.

19 Dec Apprenticing to Grief

Posted at 19:33h in Sarah's Journal by admin 0 Comments

This morning I drew the Bear card from my Druid Animal Oracle Deck. It is the card which represents the marriage of primal power with intuition and ancestral origins. It is also associated with the winter solstice. Bear winters in a cave to contemplate, to resource, to go deep into earth. My personal apprenticing to grief included a prolonged period in the retreat process of chronic illness, a metaphorical cave.

My re-orientation to life after illness happened over time, and diving into the ‘Apprenticing to Grief’ programme in 2019 was an important step in confirming my purpose. Death, and dying are themes which I find compelling and had already been exploring for decades. I saw grief everywhere, yet often un-named, invisible or shunned. It was a relief to discover the practice of Grief Tending. The ancestral roots of Grief Tending are through Sobonfu Somé and the Dagara people of Burkina Faso. It offers the potential for personal and societal transformation. It meets the needs of these times for increasing resilience, by providing skills to repair, resource and re-engage.

In December, the time of the shortest days in the northern hemisphere, I find it helpful to review where I have been over the last year. This time I am using Robert Rowland Smith’s systemic questions in his New Year Self-Assessment. His questions offer provocative prompts for past, present and future. The Year Compass is another great self-reflection tool.

At the last winter solstice, I decided to say “yes” more often when presented with possibilities. “Follow the invitation”, as the advice for my Human Design type suggests. I followed. I said yes to co-designing ceremonies, and co-facilitating many Grief Tending spaces. I found myself being interviewed and interviewing others. I volunteered to teach animation at WAYout Arts in Sierra Leone, stretching into each new opportunity.

Remembering my ancestral roots, as the daughter of an English teacher, I have discovered this year that I really enjoy teaching. I am passionate about changing the way we think and speak around death and grief, using a creative approach. Since I first experienced ‘Apprenticing to Grief’ as a participant, I have been part of the team many times. In 2024, I said yes to co-facilitating the Apprenticing to Grief programme with Sophy Banks and Jeremy Thres.

The programme is an intense, practical and embodied journey into holding space for grief. People come to share the experience from a wide range of life histories, practices and professions. I find the temporary community that is created a rich experiential learning environment. I really appreciate all the students who have immersed themselves and brought their many gifts to the process.

I am delighted to be co-facilitating the Apprenticing to Grief programme again. It takes place over 3 weekends plus 2 evenings online. It is also available as a 7 Day in person programme in the UK. If you have benefitted from Grief Tending and would like to find out more about how to hold it in your communities, and to explore the process more deeply, it’s a great place to experiment.

And if you are longing for a taste of the medicine of Grief Tending, I am co-facilitating one and two day Grief Tending workshops with Tony Pletts, Bilal Nasim and Aama Sade. You can find our events here.

05 Dec Welcome at Wayout

Posted at 16:11h in Sarah's Journal by admin 0 Comments

One of the things I have learned through the legacy of Sobonfu Somé’s teachings, is the importance of a warm welcome. Being welcomed in may have been rare in someone’s life, and the simple experience of being unconditionally welcomed can be powerful for those who come to tend grief with us.

WAYout Arts Worldwide, is a small charity dedicated to providing creative skills and opportunities to disadvantaged young people in Sierra Leone.Tony and I have been volunteering at WAYout in Sierra Leone and online throughout the year. You can donate to this brilliant, small but important charity via their Just Giving page here.

When we arrived to begin our work teaching creative skills at the project, we were greeted by a throng of young people singing and dancing. There was even a full drum-kit providing the beat. This was my first proper African welcome, WAYout style. It was the first of three extraordinary, intense (and overwhelming) welcomes we would experience on our trip, followed by two more when we visited their other outposts – WAYout Women’s Media projects.

As a tourist in Sierra Leone, I experienced the inconveniences of intermittent power, dry taps, pollution and limited food choices. I became increasingly aware of the wealth and resources I have access to. My time there has taught me much about the resilience of people who face the daily hardships of homelessness, hunger, unavailability of water on-tap, unemployment, heat and social exclusion.

For many of the people I met, being exiled from families, school, homes and work brings shame. The absence of basic needs being met, as well as trauma histories, often leaves young people with complex issues. However, the students are hungry to learn. Despite being caught in desperate circumstances, they are motivated to seek new opportunities.

Our Grief Tending approach blends African indigenous practices with contemporary understandings of trauma and neuroscience. It is informed by the work of Sobonfu and Malidoma Somé of the Dagara Tribe in Burkina Faso.

We believe in giving something back. With gratitude for the African teachings that Tony, Bilal, Aamasade and I have benefitted from, we offer a percentage of the income from our Grief Tending events to support WAYout, as well as giving our time to encourage their creative education projects and dynamic students.

We’d love to invite you to give back too, especially if you have benefitted from our work. You can donate to the project through their Just Giving page here.

15 Sep ‘Tending Grief’

Posted at 10:03h in Book Reviews by admin 0 Comments

Camille Sapara Barton’s ‘Tending Grief’ presents a passionate argument for why Grief Tending spaces are needed in these changing times. It includes a section of embodied exercises to tend grief.

Camille Sapara Barton began to identify the need for tending grief as a young activist and in social justice movements.
“Tending grief can support flexible thinking, conflict resolution, trust building and somatic transformation within groups…”

Camille Sapara Barton describes the route from the collective wounds of colonisation and its legacies to the complexities of systemic trauma that are playing out in global issues today. In order to move from a culture of consumption and exploitation to a culture of care, we need to find our way back.

Tending our grief can help us to make that journey. The route from disconnection with nature, splits between mind and body, action and emotion begin here.
“We need to feel. To slow down and sense what is happening. To grieve and understand what has been lost so that we can begin to assess how to move in a different direction, not simply repeat the behaviors that have led us to this place.”

Building on the approach of the Dagara people – through Sobonfu and Malidoma Somé – who “see regular grief tending as necessary for the health of the community,” Camille Sapara Barton makes the link between untended personal grief, and how that can ripple out to impact our communities.

This book is emotionally intelligent and presents a clear map forward. Camille Sapara Barton weaves their own story and understanding with insights gathered from other writers and teachers. The second half of the book offers a series of practical exercises to explore at home or with a peer group.

I’m really grateful for this book, which is already finding its way to diverse communities of young people facing uncertainty and anxiety in the face of a changing climate, war, systems of harm, and so many other challenges. ‘Tending Grief’ offers both the framework of why we need it, and practical exercises to begin the work of Grief Tending.

If you are ready to tend your grief in a group, you can find more information and events both online and in London here. We also offer Queer Grief Tending at Queer Circle.

The textile in the photograph is an Aboriginal design from Better World Arts.

12 Sep Moving Towards a Healthy Human Culture

Posted at 20:23h in Sarah's Journal by admin 0 Comments

This is not the truth! I notice I feel more confident when Sophy Banks offers this caveat when she talks about her synthesis of insights known as ‘Healthy Human Culture’. In Episode 198 of the ‘Accidental Gods’ podcast, Manda Scott talks to Sophy about why and how systems become dysfunctional, and the possibility of change.

Encouraging us to take a wide view, Sophy looks at systems of harm that put profit over people, and the inter-generational and collective issues that proliferate without some of the vital ingredients needed for healthy communities.

I have been very lucky to study and work alongside Sophy Banks as the ideas that make up ‘Healthy Human Culture’ evolve. As I come to know the concepts better, my understanding deepens. Her proposals include maps that identify the dynamics of change, that could be applied to any group – small or large. One starting point is to identify the components needed for health in a system. “What does a healthy human culture look like?” she asks.

To understand why even good people with good intentions often fail to create healthy patterns of behaviour, another key question is “What do we do with our pain?” Cutting it off, avoiding it, numbing it or dumping it onto someone else with less power are some normal and problematic defence strategies. Acknowledging and integrating the shadow that is always present is necessary.

In this interview, Manda Scott teases out some of the underpinning factors of unhealthy systems, as well as pointing to routes back from this towards health. Sophy Banks brings her eclectic life-experience to identify the embodied practices that may help. This includes many ways to repair ruptures, redress balance in the body and process traumatic impacts, from simple micro interventions like taking a breath to more collective ways to digest trauma such as Grief Tending and sweat lodges.

The meta-frame offered by Healthy Human Culture includes a lens that sees what happens when systems are operating from a bass-line of collective trauma. In societies where individualism is dominant, we often fail to see the collective issues and an absence of communal restoration processes. A ‘self-help’ culture of personal healing can distract from the absence of wider community support. Self-judgement, self-blame and self-hate all seem very prevalent. We are often doing our best with little support, and deserve more kindness – both from ourselves and others.

Learning more about Healthy Human Culture can help us to identify what is going wrong, but also encourages us to find some of the many ‘return paths’ that can help us back to more balanced and whole ways of living. It is possible to reclaim our birth-right of being held by people who care about us, as well as for the wellbeing of people and planet. I recommend listening to the podcast as an introduction. And if you are interested in digging deeper, join one of the Learning Journeys with Sophy Banks this autumn.

07 Aug The Shadow Side of Sunshine

Posted at 15:19h in Sarah's Journal by admin 0 Comments

“Isn’t it lovely?” My neighbour asks on my return from a glorious walk in the park in my sun hat and shades. I’m experiencing cognitive dissonance. While I may enjoy the sunshine, the consequences are far from lovely.

In the UK we have a temporate climate, and have so far been insulated from many of the more extreme weather that impacts other places on the front line of climate chaos. In the park and gardens, plants are crisping, leaves are coming down ahead of their scheduled drop. The grass in the park is bleached blonde with bald patches where footballs have scuffed the surface. A hose pipe ban is imminent.

In my life so far, the benchmark for drought was the summer of 1976. We were living in a forester’s cottage in a pine forest. Instead of a wolf, there was a Cairn Terrier. My family were sitting eating Sunday lunch when a piece of ash blew in through the open window. My father jumped up and ran out to see a wildfire leaping towards our house.

There were no fire engines available as they were all already out. My father sent me to run down the road to find a fire engine stationed at a nearby fire, and let them know we needed help. The feet that I would eventually grow into flapped along the road, and I carried out my mission with urgency.

While forty-foot flames lapped at the garage, my Dad said I could choose one precious thing. I grabbed Panda (who ironically, I would later betray by burning). Dad drove our Mini onto the lawn. The way to the road was already aflame. His most precious things were the portraits of my Great, Great, Great grandparents, which he shoved in the backseat of the car hoping they would be safe. (They’re hanging in the house I live in now, so survived the ordeal).

The house was doused with water and escaped the fire, but much of the forest burned. A team of soldiers camped in the garden for the next week to stamp out fires which sprang up having burned along tree roots like detonation cords. I was whisked out of the way to have my tonsils out, and returned to a charred landscape.

I remember the water saving measures that included sharing baths with no more than 2” of water, avoiding flushing the toilet, washing up water watering plants, and brushing my teeth in just a splash of water. I remain acutely aware of wasted water. So, I am conscious that drought is the shadow of sunshine.

If the climate is worrying you, Grief Tending can be a place where it’s possible to express ‘unloveliness’. It’s not a strategy to change what’s happening, but it can be a way to let off steam, and help stay engaged enough to continue working for change.

You can find our next Grief Tending events and links to book them here.