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Molly Kochan is author of 'Screw Cancer: Becoming Whole' as in 'Dying for Sex' the podcast and TV Series.

‘Dying for Sex’ is a stunning podcast on Wondery. (The first four episodes are available to listen, but sign in to a free trial to hear the last three). It is raw, honest and funny. Molly Kochan and Nikki Boyer are best friends, and invite us into their revealing conversations.

Molly has Stage IV breast cancer, has just left her husband and is on a mission to find out what she likes sexually. On the way, she begins to reclaim her sensuality after a history of abusive relationships. It sounds like a drama, but it is just two friends chatting about life.

Molly’s sexploits are fun, but the intimacy of her relationship with Nikki sucks the listener into a more real, deep and meaningful conversation about sex, death, love and friendship. It made me laugh, and cry, as we hear Molly, and picture her through the lens of Nikki’s loving encouragement.

‘Screw Cancer; Becoming Whole’ is a short book by Molly Kochan. Finished in hospital, Molly is writing the completion of her journey to heal and grow around her childhood trauma. The urgency with which she is writing gives another window into her story, but it lacks the warmth and humour that Nikki brings into the dynamic between them in the podcast.

The ‘Dying for Sex’ TV series takes the bones of the podcast, and some of the themes in the book to create a drama inspired by real events. It takes Molly’s experience of relationships after a Cancer diagnosis and develops them into a credible script. Playing with the details that are shared in the book and podcast, the series takes the central premise and creates a hugely entertaining drama. It is both funny and moving as it challenges the viewer’s perception of how someone with Stage IV cancer should behave.

I love the way love and loss entwine in the narrative. Molly’s story is both tender and real, portraying sexual intimacy. The themes of both sex and death are explored with a refreshing openness, and humour.

Laughter in distressing circumstances is often a much-needed valve when someone is grieving. How to have fun and experience pleasure is also an important ingredient in end-of-life care, that may be unexpressed by someone with a life-limiting condition, or overlooked by care-givers. Take heed, it is never too late to try something new, or ask for what you desire.

For Grief Tending workshops that honour both love and loss as interconnected, see here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome.  For more information about Grief Tending events see here

'A New Kind of Wilderness' image from the documentary film.

The Wilderness of Grief

‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ is a moving portrayal of a family navigating love, loss and belonging. The film captures how grief shows up in many forms. We see the family’s struggles to navigate change. It is unusual to see the intimacy of grief revealed, as it often remains private, and undocumented. Over time, we discover how the family meets the challenges, through the beautifully captured micro details of their relationships with each other and the world around them. This documentary film may resonate with different experiences of the wilderness of grief for its audience.

Loss of Hopes and Dreams

In everyday life, grief manifests as a range of natural emotional responses to many kinds of loss, change and absence. This includes bereavement, as well as other forms of separation, longing or change.

One of the ways in which grief plays out in ‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ is in the loss of hopes and dreams. We see multiple elements of grief in the film, as one impact sparks an unravelling of layers. Nik and Maria have chosen to create a sustainable lifestyle, home-schooling the 3 younger children, but the future they have imagined together crumbles.

Secondary Losses

When grief impacts us with one loss, separation or tragedy, there may also be other associated losses, endings or changes. Some of these ‘secondary losses’ or consequences may dramatically affect the life of someone who is already grieving. The death of a loved one for example, may start a whole connecting set of losses like dominoes falling. This may cause a bewildering and devastating impact on all those involved.

Our Existing Emotional Landscape

Each person’s grief is unique. When something happens in our life, like the death of someone close to us, it doesn’t arrive in a neutral environment. It lands in our existing emotional landscape. What impacts have come before, may define how this new event adds to our current grief load. Are there unresolved issues, previous losses, absences, childhood traumas, minority stresses, or other pressures that might affect how we deal with what is happening in the present? There isn’t usually a neat and easy pathway to follow, but we may turn away from the feelings; and then when we have capacity, move to face into grief.

Additional Factors to Grieving

If we are well supported, and resilient enough to experience the emotional storm, we may be able in time to grow through grief. When the death of a loved one happens, there are many factors that will affect our ability to cope. What was our relationship like? Did we have time to prepare for their end-of-life? Were the circumstances traumatic? Are we accepted by their friends and relatives? Are we separated from home? How resourced are we?

Finding Enough Support

In order to meet the challenges of grief, we need enough support, and resources to manage our circumstances. A supportive community around us in the wake of loss, is really helpful. Feeling a sense of belonging and shared values may enable us to feel held by family or community. If this is not available, it may be yet another reason to grieve. There are ways that the family in ‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ are making ‘alternative’ choices. Belonging becomes an important longing, as each person learns to adapt to new circumstances.

When we are grieving in a grief-averse culture, it can really amplify the sense of being an outsider. Whether there are people around us who are ‘grief literate’ and willing to listen without judgement or fear matters. We also need people to help with practical jobs that are beyond our capacity. It is important to be able to reach out to ask for and receive the support that may be available to us.

Simple practices that help us to take care of ourselves are essential. In the wake of loss, juggling the needs of everyone at home, and having space to be with grief may be complex. As a parent in a grieving family, it can be difficult to find what supports you, as well as helping children to adapt and grieve at the same time.

Grieving Style

Our grieving style is one of the things that will affect our ability to grieve well. Our personality, history, socialisation, cultural norms and even our neurobiology will make a difference in how we experience feelings and express grief. When things are too much to bear, we may find ourselves overwhelmed or numb. We may feel a confusing mix of anxiety, rage, despair, guilt, and deep sorrow. There may be relief, gratitude and love present too. These are all normal responses to life’s challenges.

There are many ways to allow the natural expression of grief – whether quiet or loud. If we can find kindness, without judgement, (from ourselves or others) it can ease our journey through the wilderness of grief. Shame is also often present where others are suggesting that it’s time ‘to move on’. Grief doesn’t have a sell-by date. Space to be with our own grieving process, for as long as it takes, is a more useful frame. We don’t ‘heal’, but may in time, be able to grow our life around the grief.

Rituals to Manage Change

Rituals can help us to manage change. In ‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ we see the family create some of their own rituals to mark the passing of time, to remember and to honour what is important. You may have an existing belief system with a known set of practices around rites of passage. For those without a particular faith, choosing what to do and how to mark significant moments may be more unknown. There are many possibilities available to the ‘spiritual but not religious.’ There are often many ways to experiment and make your own personal or family rituals.

Sometimes the small ways to honour someone or something are supportive and healing. It may be as simple as lighting a candle, writing a letter to someone to tell them you love them, placing an offering of flowers by a photography, or placing hands together on the earth. Community rituals are another great way to step from one phase of life to another, or to process grief.

Grief for the Earth

From the opening of the film, we find ourselves embedded in wildness. Our guides are parents who believe in teaching their children to respect the natural world. Their choice is to live sustainably ‘without taking more than we need’. Earth grief, and the collective pain of climate disruption and bio-diversity loss are the implied context of ‘A New Kind of Wilderness’. An awareness of the disconnection from nature in an extractive, and digital culture is the wider grief that provides the context for the setting of the film. Maria and Nik have set out to live in close connection with the cycles of nature, and the family find themselves understanding more about what it means to live and die, to be part of the cycle of life.

Imagining a New Future

From the impacts of loss, and ruptures with their chosen lifestyle, we watch the family move towards a re-imagined future. Belonging isn’t easy. Each person has to step into vulnerability, and risk something to grow up. Finding their way to make a new life takes us on a moving and inspiring journey. The love of what is lost remains. Grief is hard to bear, but sometimes, through experiencing it, there can be a deeper-meaning integrated into our lives.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome. She has a close relationship with local urban wildlife, and chosen family in Hackney, London. For more information about Grief Tending events see here. For a review by Sarah of the film ‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ see here.

Review of 'Bearing the Unbearable' by Joanne Cacciatore by Sarah Pletts.

Joanne Caccciatore’s book ‘Bearing the Unbearable’ is a profoundly intelligent guide to heart-breaking loss. She draws on her own experience as the mother of a new born child who died. In this book, stories of unimaginable tragedy from others who have experienced traumatic grief also illustrate many different aspects of grief. She has gathered an understanding of grief from two decades working with the bereaved and bereft.

Through a deep familiarity with the process of mourning, her descriptions offer an empathic understanding of the realm of loss.
“We might never accept that our child or parent or spouse or grandchild or friend or loved one has died, but we can learn to accept how we feel about that loss, where in us the pain is most acute, its dimensions and texture, its tenor and depth. And over time, grief can morph from a dreaded, unwanted intruder to something more familiar and less terrifying – a companion perhaps.”

‘Bearing the Unbearable’ is divided into short chapters, each of which present nuggets of informed wisdom. Joanne Cacciatore manages to describe the experience of grief with soul-relieving words, while also offering a practical approach for living through the storms of suffering.

While ‘Bearing the Unbearable’ is a handbook for dealing with personal loss, Joanne Cacciatore also recognises the vital importance of processing grief on a macro level.
“…I suspect the bypassing of traumatic grief may be the greatest threat facing humankind today, responsible for immense suffering from addictions and abuse to social disconnection and perhaps even war. When we disconnect from our grief, we disconnect from ourselves, we disconnect from others and from the natural world.”

 Joanne Cacciatore describes the possibility of a collective shift that is a counter cultural revolution when we “pause to be with grief.” She is also an advocate of self-care as a radical practice, and encourages us to grow self-compassion.

In her professional practice, she suggests creative expression, rituals large or small, and meaningful acts that commemorate our losses are all helpful ways of working with grief.

Grief Tending uses a blend of awareness and creative practices, alongside ritual. To see more about Grief Tending or find an event in London, Devon or online, see here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome.  For more information about Grief Tending events see here

Still from the documentary film 'A New Kind of Wilderness.

‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ is a tender and moving documentary. It follows a family dealing with change in the wake of loss. Nik and Maria are re-wilding their family, and have chosen a self-sufficient life-style in Norway and home-schooling for the three youngest children. But when Maria dies, Nik is left dealing with the fallout of grief. We witness each member of the family struggle with Maria’s absence.

Director Silje Evensmo Jacobsen took inspiration from the images of Maria Vatne, whose death happens before ‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ begins; and yet Maria’s words create the context for the drama that unfolds.

There are interconnected consequences of Maria’s death – many ‘secondary losses’ that impact the family. We see Nik struggling with complex decisions, and the loss of a shared future dream.  They hoped to raise the children wild and free, to understand the life cycle of plants and animals, and our relationship with them.

The narrative is seeped in the beauty of a life lived in close connection with nature. It also portrays the paradoxes of modernity. We watch Nik grapple with how to earn a living, educate children and grow food solo.

Squeezed by financial necessities and an external pressure from others to ‘move on’ from grief, the siblings and father each have their own issues. The camera catches the many faces of their emotions, through body language and touching exchanges. It made me cry at unexpected moments.

We are offered glimpses into the private world of the family at a vulnerable time where cameras would not usually be invited. Time passes, and through small rituals, we watch them grow through grief. Moments tinged with happy/sad draw the viewer into the intimacy of their family life. Their story touched me, as we watch them begin to ‘build a future’.

‘A New Kind of Wilderness’ is a beautiful story about the upheaval that death may bring, and of resources and challenges arising in response. It reminds me that we can adapt and that through navigating change, we grow more resilient.

For an article about the themes of love, loss and belonging in the film, see here.

If the themes in this film affect you, you can find Grief Tending workshops in London and online here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome.  For more information about Grief Tending events see here

Poppy in full bloom to represent the flourishing of Grief Tending.

We have been collaborating with Sophy Banks of Grief Tending in Community to track the way that Grief Tending is flourishing. It is becoming more widely known, and spreading geographically. Many more people are offering the practice and there is a growing number of people who have attended one or more Grief Tending workshop, ritual or event.

Introduction to Grief Tending Audit

Grief Tending in community is a practice that involves a group of people coming together to share grief, with space to express their emotions. It can be a life-affirming experience and in addition to providing support and relief for current grief, can help people learn skills to cope with grief. Grief Tending events including a range of practices: simple exercises for participants to build trust, group ritual to express and witness feelings, embodiment to regulate the nervous system.

In Grief Tending events, all kinds of grief are welcome. We honour loss, absence, longing and change, and reconnect with intimacy and belonging. Grief tending is rooted in the teachings of Sobonfu and Malidoma Somé, Joanna Macy, Martín Prechtel and others, and has been shaped by teachers including Maeve Gavin, Francis Weller and those in this network.

Grief Tending events take place in a variety of face to face and online settings, including: an existing community, a group of people who come together temporarily, and a group who meet regularly.  Each Grief Tending event is facilitated by Grief Tenders.

In 2024 a preliminary audit was undertaken of Grief Tending events in order to observe and record the range and diversity of current practice

Audit Methods

Grief Tenders recorded and shared information on their face to face and/or online events. Information on the date and length of event and numbers of facilitators, assistants and participants was recorded in an online spreadsheet. This information was then summarised.

Note that we recorded the numbers attending each event. Some will be returners, so the total number of people who have attended events is less than the number shown here. We estimate that between 10 – 25% of people have been to an event before.

Results Show Grief Tending is Growing

Eight Grief Tenders shared information on 225 events held between 1/12/2013 and 31/12/2024, where grief was shared and witnessed. In total there were 3066 people attending (including a total of 720 at two festivals in 2023 and 2024). Participants joined from all continents (except Antarctica), the majority from the UK, followed by Europe and the US and Canada.

The number of Grief Tending events increased over time. The duration of both face-to-face and online events varied widely.

There were multiple short online events – some lasted 1 hour others 4 hours and others were all day or over multiple days. The longest online programme is the Apprenticing to Grief, which runs over 3 weekends.

The duration of face-to-face events varied from one or more hours, to workshops which ran over four days, and the Apprenticing to Grief over six days. Most face-to-face events lasted for 1 day or 3- 5 days.

All events (online or face-to-face) were led by a Grief Tender and supported by at least one other Grief Tender, facilitator or assistant.

Developing our Research

We believe this to be the first audit of Grief Tending events. Some participants have taken part in more than one event, so the total number represents workshop spaces attended. The number of unique people who attended is estimated at around 80% of this figure. Some figures provided by facilitators are estimates based on average numbers attending workshops.

Our initial objective in gathering this data was to sense the impact and reach of this network. In 2025 we aim to gather more comprehensive information from more people who are holding spaces. We would also like to see what else has resulted from attending the Apprenticing to Grief programme.

Many of us holding workshops gather evaluation information at the end of a workshop, or invite this feedback from participants online afterwards. We believe Grief Tending in community to be a low-cost, high impact intervention to improve mental wellbeing of those impacted by bereavement, loss, past trauma, stress, and life changes. We also believe it can have beneficial effects on those around people who come, which would be harder to measure. We would like to understand more about the impact of these practices on those who have attended Grief Tending events. We are exploring the best methods for doing this e.g. a survey of people who have attended.

Thanks to all those who shared their data, and all of you who are helping this vital work to spread to those who may need it.

You can find Grief Tending workshops with the Embracing Grief Team in London, Devon and online here. For the Apprenticing to Grief programme online or in person see here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome. For more information about Grief Tending see www.griefsupport.org.uk .

A review of 'Braving the Wilderness' by Brené Brown by Sarah Pletts

‘Braving the Wilderness’ is a gem of sense-making by Brené Brown. She extrapolates from her detailed research to illuminate cultural patterns of behaviour. In this book, she takes on belonging, and in its absence, “the lonely feeling”. With her signature Texan flavour, she communicates how to make brave choices to speak out and be courageous.

Brené Brown shot to fame with her Ted Talk ‘The Power of Vulnerability’. She has continued to study vulnerability along with its relatives, shame, empathy and courage. The full title, ‘Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone,’ speaks to the resilience necessary to be true to yourself, in the face of resistance. How do we speak truth to power, defend our values, advocate for what we believe in?

Learning from her research subjects, Brené Brown has put together a guide for navigating through differing opinions to risk not fitting in, in order to find true belonging. While the book is about leadership and belonging, it offers pathways to repair collective grief.

The steps in ‘Braving the Wilderness’, from the evidence-base suggests, read like a recipe for Grief Tending.
>“We’re going to need to intentionally be with people who are different from us. We’re going to have to sign up, join, and take a seat at the table. We’re going to have to learn how to listen, have hard conversations, look for joy, share pain, and be more curious than defensive, all while seeking moments of togetherness.”

Building connection across difference, through sharing vulnerability and joy is how we bridge love and loss, grief and praise. Being willing to do this takes courage.

She identifies steps to risk vulnerability and find belonging. Joining with others to celebrate with food or music is an essential ingredient. Working with gratitude helps to grow joy too. Brené Brown’s conclusion:
“The answer that emerged from my research shocked me. Show up for collective moments of joy and pain so we can actually bear witness to inextricable human connection.”

First published in 2017, ‘Braving the Wilderness’ predates the exponential growth of culture wars, the proliferation of certainty and polarised debates. (For a background history on culture wars, listen to Jon Ronson’s ‘Things Fell Apart’.) Collectively, we would do well to pay attention to Brené Brown’s findings in order to navigate these times.

If you would like to experience how vulnerability builds connection through Grief Tending, you can find workshops in London, Devon and online here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome.  For more information about Grief Tending events see here

Review of book 'Unshame' by Carolyn Spring and shame shadow cut-out by Sarah Pletts

‘Unshame’ is the name of a book by trauma survivor and educator Carolyn Spring. Unshame might be used as a verb which describes the process of repair from chronic shame. It could be an adjective to describe being unashamed without the judgement associated with ‘shameless’. It might also be a noun for the healthy place where trauma-based shame is no longer a persistent and toxic state of being.

Carolyn Spring describes her own complex trauma history which left her mired in shame. As a result of child sexual abuse, she was left with multiple dissociative traumatised parts. ‘Unshame’ describes her slow recovery. It includes an in-depth exploration of the experience of shame in therapy. She tells much of the story from the inside out, how it felt and seemed in her mind and body.

Shame is a feeling that exists in relation to others. “Shame is a two-person emotion”, as Carolyn Spring puts it. Recovery from shame also by necessity happens through relational connection. Shame is about our self-worth, and is very different to guilt which may be an appropriate response to wrong-doing, which spurs us to make amends.

Carolyn Spring’s writing (and trainings) take the mechanisms of trauma survival apart. The survival strategies that operated to drive dissociation, and take on her abusers’ shame as her fault were “the best thing you could do at the time to survive.” Using direct language, she explains how it feels. And she describes the way brains and nervous systems operate under extreme stress.

Using her own experience, Carolyn Spring shows us how shame operates. Shame feasts on secrecy and may leave people feeling that they are to blame for the abuse they experienced.
“No one wants to hear it. No one wants to know about it. No one wants to feel it. So I have to hide it and hide it, and I have to push it away deep down within myself, so that no one can see. But it doesn’t go away and it doesn’t stop affecting me…”

Shame is sticky and a shame attack often comes with acute physiological symptoms. It is a physical as well as mental and emotional ride. It is commonly present for those with developmental trauma, and people who are or have been in abusive situations, amongst other things. In order to bring relief, Carolyn Spring documents the slow, gentle, patient presence of her therapist. As well as the light of day, unshaming requires right brain to right brain co-regulation. Carolyn Spring shows how dissociation is also tackled with mindful noticing, unconditional positive regard, and relational connection.

The pain and suffering of toxic shame and dissociation is made more lonely by isolation. Through telling her own story, Carolyn Spring makes a passionate case for finding spaces where trust, presence and respect enable revelation and ultimately healing. Often in Grief Tending we may see how others also share some of their inner experience of shame, which may be a relief to us.

Reading ‘Unshame’ may be the first step in acknowledging and naming chronic shame. I also recommend the book as a manual for those who aim to provide compassionate holding for those who are making the journey from shame to unshame.

For Grief Tending events online and in person in London and Devon see here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome.  For more information about Grief Tending events see here

Image of 'Late Fragments' book, shown here on grass with a feather to represent life's temporary nature.

‘Late Fragments’ by Kate Gross is written from the lens of a terminal cancer diagnosis. I read books that take me into this life-affirming territory because they make me tingle. I suspect I guzzle mortality memoirs in the way others read chick lit. In her own words:
“I know that people will want to read my story because it takes them to the edge of their fears about dying young, leaving the people who need them.”

Kate Gross describes her triumphs and failures as she approaches her death. She speaks of “our future that melted away overnight.” For those who know Francis Weller’s Gates of Grief, this loss of future is a clear example of ‘What we expected and did not receive’. The imagined readers – her children in years to come, set the tone of the book’s intention. Through writing she manages her living time, and plans her dying time.

Like any ‘momento mori’, this reminder of death is also an invitation to live with eyes open. These ‘Late Fragments’ are written to capture and to encourage us to find wonder. When the outer activities of life are stripped away, and we slow down, can we also enter into the realm of wonder?
“All I can do is explain how wonder emerged for me as the world and I met, and how it has grown stronger and brighter even as my world has got smaller and dimmer.”

‘Late Fragments’ is not written by an expert on cancer, or on grief. It is an engaging personal account from the front line of a terminal diagnosis of colon cancer. It is packed with cherished memories of friends and family. The life Kate Gross describes is both worldly and ordinary. Time is spent on the sofa, in parenting and includes words like ‘bum’.

In fact, I was horrified that because of a reluctance,
“to speak of our rear ends, most colon cancer is detected between stages two and four,” with detrimental consequences. So, I encourage us, in honour of Kate that we challenge the inhibitions that delay us from checking our bowel movements and symptoms that may be warning signs.

Kate Gross also speaks for the person-who-is-dying’s needs for the kind of communication that comes with sensitive offers and ordinary chat, without advice-giving, or the need for a reply. Our own anxiety or desire to do good can burden the person already dealing with much into taking care of others’ emotional needs.

Lines from poets and author’s, are woven into ‘Late Fragments’. Kate Gross’s passion for words enlivens the narrative. She uses them to inspire and illuminate the steps of her own journey towards death.

To find Grief Tending workshops online and in London and Devon, see here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome.  For more information about Grief Tending events see here

Image shows the book 'One Last Thing' by Wendy Mitchell in a landscape with snowdrops.

‘One Last Thing: How to Live with the End in Mind’ by Wendy Mitchell is written from the inside of a life-limiting condition. She was diagnosed with early onset dementia at 58. Since then, she has written three books about her journey of life post diagnosis.

Mitchell writes with down to earth good humour, giving us an insider’s perspective of this unkind progressive disease. Dementia dismantles the life she had before, yet she is full of optimism about what is still possible to achieve. She is inventive in the way she adapts to the challenges. It is powerful to hear her voice which brings understanding and hope to others navigating dementia.

“I am aware that there is an edge now, even if I cannot see it as it comes closer. I am aware that more days after I finish writing will be spent in the fog – until the day when I don’t find my way back out again?”

In ‘One Last Thing’, she contemplates death in her characteristically practical way. Wendy Mitchel is a passionate advocate for those with dementia. She checks for judgements and assumptions that diminish the potential of people with the disease. Mitchell is also pragmatic about the paperwork and decision-making to be done. There is a great deal of ‘sadmin’ as she looks death squarely in the eye. She encourages everyone to have honest, thoughtful conversations. This is especially important in preparation for end-of-life in order that people may make their preferences known.

“I am not trying to tell you how death must be done, or how it should be done, or how it should feel for you. I just want to gently remind you that one day it will come, and the more prepared you are, the more conversations you are able to have with medical professionals and with those you love, the more empowered you will feel to live in the now – and you don’t need a progressive or terminal illness to do that.”

Wendy Mitchell recommends really thinking about all the options for a good death. This in order that people, especially those with dementia are able to have choices, and agency in those choices while they have capacity.

‘One Last Thing’ tells Wendy Mitchell’s relatable story, and she demonstrates how it is possible to be brave, sensible and kind as she turns towards her own ending.

Post Script

Since the publication of the book, Wendy has died. She did it in the way that she chose to on 22 February 2024. If you want to know more, and this may be a plot spoil, head to her final blog post.

If you are looking for somewhere to process grief of all kinds, you can find Grief Tending workshops online and in London here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome.  For more information about Grief Tending events see here

'Grief Is for People' Book shown here with a jewellry box which relates to the first chapter of the book

Sloane Crosley is a metropolitan New York wordsmith, author of ‘Grief is for People’. It is an exploration of the ways different forms of loss and absence take hold in her life. It begins with a jewellery cabinet.

She uses original metaphors, relishing in language.
“But the trauma humps my leg like a dog. I pick at memory scabs, recalling the sound of the amber amulet sputtering along its chain.”
Familiar with the literary sphere, she echoes and sometimes quotes from Joan Didion’s writing.

Crosley paints a detailed portrait of a close friendship. She describes the holes left behind in its absence; the way another’s death can take our history along with it.

I enjoyed its portrayal of the impacts of death and loss that happen in myriad ways in ordinary lives. It took me into an unfamiliar city, and the professional and sometimes funny world of agents, publicists and writers. This setting is itself in transition as she writes through pandemic, and other gathering forces – like social media and AI.

It is not a dramatic memoir of traumatic partner or child loss. It is, however, valuable to describe the loss of a close friend. This will inevitably happen to us all over and over again as we age.

‘Grief is for People’ is not a how to guide for facing loss, but it may ring a chord if you are melancholy or haunted by what has gone. Crossley examines the interplay between past and present.“I have read the grief literature and the grief philosophy and, God help me, listened to the grief podcasts, and the most practical thing I’ve learned is the power of the present tense. The past is quicksand and the future is unknowable, but in the present, you get to float. Nothing is missing, nothing is hypothetical.”

Grief Tending workshops are for people processing loss, absence and change and not just bereavement. You can find events online and in London here.

Sarah Pletts is a Grief Tender and Artist who offers workshops in London and online, sharing rituals where grief on all themes is welcome.  For more information about Grief Tending events see here